Chapter 84: The Choice is Yours
“I don’t want to feed you anymore, okay.”
“I guess I shouldn’t have said that last time.”
I wanted to pretend not to notice Sigren’s murmuring, but then he kissed the back of my hand. Chicken instead of pheasant, hand instead of lips. I couldn’t help but realize that Sigren liked to touch me. This made me contemplate how far I could allow him to go. Read the translation only on itsladygrey.com. Would it be too much to let him go all the way? Or would it be better to let him do whatever he wanted? Well, it wasn’t that I was overly concerned about my sense of virtue or shyness.
‘We’re lovers, so I don’t think there should be any issues.’
Honestly, I didn’t care much about us sleeping together, as long as we used contraception. My real concern was Sigren’s sense of chastity. As the male lead, was it acceptable for him to sleep with someone other than the female lead? In real life, this concern might be unnecessary, but in this romance novel world, I couldn’t completely disregard the idea of pairing Sigren and Eunice.
I knew I was continually separating my ‘reality’ from this world. If the safe space I created for my mental health crumbled, I wouldn’t know what to rely on for my weakened heart. I still hadn’t found an answer. I was just afraid I would develop PTSD symptoms later on, as mental health issues often onset suddenly. Moreover, I didn’t have the confidence that I could make Sigren happy. I wasn’t that great of a person, and Sigren deserved happiness after all he had suffered. That was a promise I had made in the past.
I looked seriously at Sigren.
“Sigren.”
“What?”
“Actually, my future plan until recently was to see you get married and then live a peaceful retirement life.”
“We can have it in the future.”
Well, that was true, but… Sigren pulled me in and whispered in my ear.
“Why are you talking about this all of a sudden?”
Of course, I wanted to say, “Well, I know a girl who is pretty and kind and would make you happier than I could.” But I knew very well that if I said anything like that, he would flip out. It wasn’t a matter that required extraordinary skills to understand. Read the translation only on itsladygrey.com.
In the end, I leaned my head against his chest and hugged him. I could feel the muscles underneath his clothes. They were hard. Honestly, it didn’t feel bad.
“…”
In the past, even if I just touched his hand, he would be picky. This time, was he really going to be quiet? Ah, I was a little sad.
Sigren ruffled my hair again.
“You like my hair that much? It tangles easily, though.”
“Uh-huh. It’s soft and pretty. I can’t stop remembering how gently it spread when you fell asleep on the edge of the bed.”
Not lying in bed, but lying face down? I pondered whether such a thing had ever happened.
Sigren continued, “At that time, I thought it was like a spider web.”
…Was that a compliment?
When I looked up at him with a strange expression, he smiled. Read the translation only on itsladygrey.com.
“It was as if it was dragging me out of hell.”
I also couldn’t remember when that was. Lying on the edge of the bed meant sitting next to the bed. Did that happen?
“When?”
“Well—”
Saying that, Sigren gently grabbed my hair and brushed it to one side. As a result, the nape of my neck was exposed. The wind on the terrace was quite chilly. Sigren bowed his head. I didn’t really mind what he was doing until then.
Chu~, I felt a soft touch on the nape of my neck as his tongue languidly and gently brushed my skin.
Subconsciously, I tightened my grip on Sigren’s back. Read the translation only on itsladygrey.com.
Ah, my clothes would get wrinkled.
Then I felt a slight tingling sensation in my throat.
“Ah.”
I inadvertently pushed Sigren away. Even though he was strong enough not to be pushed, he was gently pushed back. It was a very submissive attitude for someone who said touching me reminded him of this and that.
“I’m sorry. I won’t do that if you don’t like it.”
I opened my mouth, bewildered.
“No, not that…”
Why did I react that way? Didn’t I think it was fine?
He placed his hand on the side of my neck where he had just bitten. I felt my pulse flutter. It wasn’t sickness, nor was it rejection of what he had done. Didn’t I also think ‘this kind of skinship was okay’ just a few seconds ago? Read the translation only on itsladygrey.com.
‘But he actually did it.’
“Ehmm…”
How could I explain this? But Sigren seemed to have interpreted my reaction differently. He even had his hand behind his back, as if to prove that he wouldn’t touch me.
“Fiona, I won’t do that if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not like that.”
What was I thinking? Did sleeping together really not matter? Hah, as expected, it seemed that if I maintained this relationship for a long time, lingering feelings would emerge. My self-confidence in discussing this matter without firsthand experience felt baseless. Read the translation only on itsladygrey.com.
‘No, it’s okay.’
It was kind of funny that I was so agitated. In the end, even though I knew it was unfair, I sulked while looking at Sigren. It was a transfer of responsibility.
He looked restless.
When I saw him, I felt strange again. Was he really that vulnerable to me? Did he flounder like a fish out of water in the past? The image of Sigren I had before now seemed to match who he was now. He had truly been showing his feelings to me, and it made my heart ache.
‘I hate myself for being weak.’
“Fiona…”
He was the one who broke the silence.
“Sigren, maybe it’s impossible for us to be together. See you later.”
I left the terrace without looking back at his expression. It was a selfish move, in retrospect.
‘Ah, he must be tired.’
I thought as I walked away. If Sigren grew weary of me, perhaps I would feel more at ease. Then, gradually, we could part ways and return to our previous relationship. Read the translation only on itsladygrey.com.
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