Chapter 190: Loose Leash
“You have no memory?”
The place where these mercenaries had ‘forced’ me to follow them was where their leader, Gunther, stayed. I quickly learned that these men were part of Gunther’s mercenary group. Of course, I knew about Gunther; he was the most skilled among the mercenaries, so talented that everyone called him the Mercenary King. Read the translation on itsladygrey.com.
Gunther narrowed his eyes. “I heard the guild leader of the mercenary group next door is trembling just hearing your name.”
“Did something happen to me?”
“I heard you dragged your subordinates there and put his head on the desk.”
“What kind of gangster story is that?”
“It’s your story, Lady Fiona Heilon.”
Gunther shook his head casually, as if nothing were unusual. “Well, the perpetrator usually forgets quickly.”
Hearing things like that made me feel like trash. For a moment, I thought of my adoptive father, who was nicknamed the Northern Drama King.
Wait, don’t tell me I’m like him too?
Anyway, that wasn’t the problem right now. I brought up my concern to Gunther, who seemed to be quite friendly with me.
Gunther nodded. “A mercenary group recently hired by the Crown Prince?”
He paused for a moment in thought. “Well, I do know them.”
That was nice to hear. “Can you connect me with them?”
“I’ll do that.”
His unexpectedly obedient attitude surprised me. Gunther seemed to sense my thoughts. “You may not remember, but I owe you something.”
“A debt?”
“Yes. Now, this is like paying it back.”
Oh, what on earth was it? Anyway, I nodded; whatever the debt was, I got what I needed, so it was a good thing. “Okay, thank you.”
Gunther looked at me curiously. “Did you break up with Sigren now that you’ve lost your memory?”
Surprisingly, I didn’t think he was the kind of person interested in other people’s love stories, but here he was. Read the translation on itsladygrey.com.
“We didn’t break up.”
“Do your feelings remain the same even if you’ve lost your memories?”
I flinched at that unexpected question. “Maybe…”
“Really?”
I answered nervously, “Stop being nosy.”
“I’m not trying to pry into your relationship; I’m genuinely curious.”
“….” I felt like I’d been stabbed. Sigren had shown his unconditional feelings for me ever since I woke up. However, if Sigren hadn’t shown that side of himself after I’d lost my memories, would I have been able to remain close to him? Of course, he was still precious to me. But could we conclude that the feelings I had before losing my memories and the feelings I have now were the same ‘love’ feelings?
Now that I thought about it, I felt like I was holding onto Sigren’s sincere feelings without being sure of my own. But why did it feel so natural to accept his sincerity?
I absentmindedly played with the ring on my finger.
“I’m going.” I got up from my seat. What Gunther asked didn’t sit well with me, but it was a reasonable question. Read the translation on itsladygrey.com.
***
To investigate further, I went to the village that Enoch was said to have saved from the monster. Of course, Sigren followed when I mentioned my plan. That was somewhat expected; I also had something to discuss quietly with him.
The village was nearly half destroyed, and the bodies had not yet been buried. “Did he not send additional support?”
It would have been nice if the Crown Prince had taken care of things more thoroughly. I looked at the corpses that had been half torn apart by the monsters. Flies buzzed over the exposed wounds.
“If there’s no follow-up, there could be an outbreak of disease.”
Those who survived included many elderly people and children, making it natural that the burial of the bodies and restoration of the village would be slow. Most of the healthy individuals had died fighting against the monsters.
It was a miserable sight: many children were crying over the corpses of their parents, and there were some child corpses that I couldn’t bear to look at. The villagers were grieving, but they were also grateful to the Crown Prince.
“If that noble person hadn’t come, not even half of us would have survived,” an old man said sadly, wielding a shovel. Read the translation on itsladygrey.com.
“Then there would have been no one to bury my grandchild. It’s painful to survive alone, but if I had died, there would have been no one to pay tribute to this little one.”
The old man murmured, tears welling up in his eyes. “Still, it would have been better if this child had survived instead of this old man…”
After assessing the situation, I lowered my head, feeling a bitter ache rising within me.
Sigren wrapped his arm around me. I looked at him with mixed emotions.
***
“Sigren, please, let’s talk for a moment.”
We arrived in front of Heilon Mansion around sunset. Sigren and I stopped our walk to the garden. Read the translation on ladygrey.com.
“It’s late right now. Let’s talk another time.”
“No. I need to discuss this today.”
Sigren seemed to sense something unusual in my tone. “What’s going on?”
I fiddled with my engagement ring for no reason. “Sigren, I said that I cherish you.”
He quickly realized what I was about to say when he noticed me playing with the ring. “Fiona…”
“But I wonder if that feeling is the same as before.” I looked at him with a calm gaze. “I feel like I can’t give the proper response to the love you’re offering me, and it doesn’t feel right.”
His voice was full of pleading. “Fiona, I’m fine.”
“No, Sigren. I’m saying this for your sake. It’s not fair for you to be in this position. I need to give you my answer sincerely.” Read the translation on itsladygrey.com.
After my conversation with Gunther, I had thought about various things. No matter how much I reflected, I felt compelled to share my genuine thoughts with Sigren. Whether it was acceptance or rejection, my answer should be truthful. I couldn’t continue this relationship where I was receiving his love and favor while being unsure of my own feelings. That felt like toying with his emotions.
“I must have loved you before I lost my memory, but I don’t know if that feeling is the same now. The memories we built together have been erased.”
I slowly removed the ring. I didn’t want to take his kindness for granted.
“Sigren, you said you’re fine, but I know you’re not. You love me so much—how could you not care that your feelings aren’t being reciprocated? Do you really not mind if we remain engaged like this?”
“….”
“This unbalanced relationship will hurt you one day.” I took Sigren’s large hand and placed the ring on it. The red diamond illuminated by the setting sun glowed with a mournful light.
“I’m not saying we should break up. I’m asking you to wait until I regain my memory and can respond to your feelings properly. Of course, that’s if your feelings are still the same by then.”
Sigren slowly took the ring. “It won’t change, Fiona. You’re always the one who leaves, and I’m the one who chases after you.”
I made careful eye contact with him. “This time, I… I’m not leaving you. It just pauses for a moment.”
I wrapped my hand around Sigren’s slowly, like he had comforted me earlier. “Give me time to get back on track, Sigren.”
“….”
Sigren didn’t blame me or get angry. He just stood there, clutching the ring. He didn’t say anything, yet he looked very distressed.
“I hope I can find my memories soon so I can love you again,” I whispered.
And I hoped I could confess all the secrets I’d been hiding from him. Read the translation on itsladygrey.com.
***
Check out my Patreon to read advanced chapters!
